Know when to fold ’em: The agony of letting go.

I have intentionally waited to talk about this topic. The reality is no one likes having to let anything or anyone go. Particularly if they’ve invested any amount of time or energy into the situation. But why does it SUCK so much? Well, let’s break it down a little.

First of all good leaders want everyone to succeed. A good leader goes into every situation trying to make everyone around them better and successful. When that doesn’t happen there is a tendency to feel like you failed as a leader. Now let’s be clear, this isn’t an ego thing. It’s not an “I” failed feeling, it’s an “I failed them” feeling. No leader like the idea that they failed someone on their team, regardless of the circumstances.

Here’s the deal though, and I really need you to get this. This is something that took me a long time to really figure out. Are you ready? YOU DIDN’T FAIL! I hope that it being in all caps drives home the point. The hard truth is that there are just some times that no matter how hard you try, that person just won’t get it. And you know what? It’s not your fault. Sometimes it’s a matter of Skill VS Will.

What am I talking about? Well, as a leader you set out everyday to EMPOWER your team with all the tools they need in order to be successful, right? So, if that is what you have done to the best of your ability, and that one person still isn’t executing to standard maybe it’s not your leadership. Maybe it’s their will to make it happen.

Don’t get me wrong, I know there are ways to motivate people when they lack the will to do something. I mean who wakes up in the morning and has the will to run in the direction of gun fire? Not many! I was able to motivate people to have the will to do that, but if I’m being honest, it didn’t always work. All the good reasons to do something, all the motivational halftime speeches in the world can’t trump when someone simply has decided they don’t WANT to do it.

So, when that’s the case what are you as a leader supposed to do? You have invested time and energy into this. You have a vested interest in seeing this person succeed and want the best for them. How are you supposed to just give up on them?

Well, start by recognizing that they are the ones who have given up, not you. You showed up everyday and gave your best and have a team that looks to you as an example because of it. Then make that your focus! The team! As a leader ask yourself what is fair to the entire team. Is it better to keep someone who doesn’t have the will to participate around, while the others pick up the slack? Is this the example of what you expect that you want to see reflected in the rest of the team? Is this how you want others to judge your competence as a leader? I’d be willing to bet the answer to those questions is no.

I get it, you still care about that individual, and you should. But let me ask you this. Is it fair to that person to let them keep spinning their wheels and wasting their time somewhere they don’t want to be? Probably not. You’re in a situation where no one is really winning and everyone feels stuck. As the leader it is on you to get things unstuck and everyone moving forward again, but how?

Well I can tell you from experience that when I have encountered this in leadership and finally brought the individual in to speak about what’s next, most of the time they were relieved. “Really Travis?” yes Johnny, really! No one likes feeling stuck and everyone knows when they are sucking at something. Just being given the permission to move on can be life changing for people. And that’s the way to handle that conversation. Not in a “it’s not working out” way but in a “you have more opportunities available” way.

At the end of the day you as a leader want the best for everyone, but the success of the entire team has to take priority, especially when it means you can actually help that individual go after what they really love. So next time you find yourself in that uncomfortable place where you feel like someone isn’t succeeding. Take a moment and realize that doesn’t mean you have failed or that they can’t have massive success elsewhere. Maybe there’s a role in the company that they would be a perfect fit for. At the end of the day, don’t slow them or your team down from achieving goals because you can’t let go.