Above the Fray. Action VS Desired Outcome.

Alright, let me start by saying I don’t intend on taking a figurative “side” in the zaniness that went down during the Oscars between Will Smith and Chris Rock. However, it’s definitely a great opportunity to look at how our actions don’t always achieve our desired outcome.

Let’s be real! I doubt very seriously that Will Smith got to the Oscars thinking, “You know what? I think I’ll slap the piss out of the Zebra from Madagascar tonight!”. Likewise I very seriously doubt that Chris Rock was planning on getting jacked by Ali either! So, what the heck happened?

At this point everyone has seen the footage (insert shock and awe). But no one has taken the time to really dissect the point of Will’s actions. As a pseudo aggressive alpha male myself I have to be real and say I can empathize with wanting to defend your spouse. Particularly given that there is an underlying condition. My question is, was there a better way? The answer is TOTALLY!

Let’s look at this through a slightly different lens. I’ll do what I do best and reference my time in the military. As some of you know I was a Drill Sergeant for 3 gloriously grueling years. It’s the most rewarding and at the same time most exhausting job on the planet. You’re there ALL the time and have to get 240 individuals to accomplish tasks that are completely foreign to them as a team. Not an easy task I assure you. There were plenty of times the sheer frustration of the job itself, coupled with not being able to get the point across put me at about a 15 out of 10! The urge to just yell and scream was REAL and in that crazy hat of mine I could have gotten away with it. BUT would I have achieved my desired outcome? NOPE!

As difficult as it sometimes was, I had to keep my composure. I learned early on as a Drill Sergeant that losing my bearing didn’t serve myself OR the soldiers I was training. In fact it only muddied up the message. There by making the distance to understanding and execution even greater.

I can tell you that 100% of the times that I took a moment, SEVERAL deep breaths, and realigned my perspective in order to reframe my message in a way that would be understood, it worked!

So, what’s the point? Well, I guess it’s pretty simple. Deliver your message in a way that you would receive it. As a Drill Sergeant I knew that I wouldn’t magically understand something better if it were to be yelled at me and neither would the soldiers I was training. I bet if you ask Will Smith if he understands being out of line better while being smacked he’d probably say no.

Here’s the challenging part though. It’s separating the emotion! The soldiers I was training weren’t out to make me angry, just like a comedian wasn’t out to hurt anyones feelings. You’ve got to keep things in perspective and take out that knee jerk emotion if you ever want to get you message across!

This pertains to ALL of us! Whether you’re a corporate leader, entrepreneur, stay at home parent, and yes, even The Fresh Prince. No matter what walk of life or occupation, your message is WAY more likely to be received and taken to heart if you can effectively communicate it in a way that you would receive it.

Approach the problem, not the person, and make sure your actions garner you the desired outcome!